REACTING TO HEARSAY
Okay, so we all know that relationships are filled with “he said” “she said” and “they said” but do we really take the time out to hear direct from the horse’s mouth? Or do we jump to conclusions and screw things up? How do you deal with reports about your significant other? When someone tells you they saw your man with another woman, do you (i) mention it in passing hoping he tells you the truth or (ii) go all Rambo on his arse and start tossing accusations and bringing all his shit up?
When it comes to accusations, especially the cheating kind, it becomes hard for even the most rational of individuals to act mature and reasonable. Indeed, there are some kind of rumors you hear about your partner that you can identify as false; the kind you can defend without the shadow of doubt to his/her innocence; but then again, there are some rumors that blend perfectly with doubts you’ve had in your mind leading to bitterness and distrust.
Where are you? Who are you with? Did you sleep with him/her? These questions are repeated to the point that every move they make leads to an investigation. You start snooping/sniffing around for clues, screening messages, monitoring all movement, payments, work activities etc. etc. etc. signaling that the relationship has lost its footing, and if not handled properly, is headed towards its demise.
Trust is a big issue and once lost, becomes very difficult, if not impossible to rebuild. As much as it burns, try to do things rationally. When in doubt – ask; learn to take people at face value; don’t question everything to death; give enough rope to your partner (and hope he/she doesn’t hang themselves); respect their privacy; show your love without bias; and don’t go crazy and lose sleep unnecessarily.
Karma has a way of catching up with people. If he or she is playing you false, it would be revealed in good time and often in a spectacular way. If you’re the player in the relationship, be a gem and don’t waste your partners’ time if you’re not in it for the long haul. Don’t build or encourage insecurity in your relationship. Discuss how you truly feel, talk about your struggles (good and bad) – be honest if you don’t think the relationship can survive. Honesty from you will be valued over any hearsay even when it’s from credible sources.
Be careful where you get your information from. Most people are envious of what you’ve got and will do anything (even spin cruel tales) just to see your relationship crumble. Be careful whom you confide your innermost secrets and fears to because a listening ear could also have a wicked heart and a wicked tongue. Never be quick to jump to conclusions. Take time out to ascertain the truth behind any story before taking decisions. Remember love does not judge and is not quick to anger. Take note of people who never have positive things to say about your partner – people who always hear or see something that pertains to them.
Don’t screw your partner up for the next gal/guy in the future.
Some bad experiences are really hard to forget… don’t be the devil’s advocate!
