Being Friends with Benefits to an Ex without any form of emotional commitment is a far fetched dream; one party is bound to harbor feelings or the desire to reignite the flame of the dissolved relationship.
Hooking up with the Ex is wrong on so many levels, especially when you haven’t had sufficient time to get over them and the hurt they caused. If you’re still hung up on your Ex, being a ‘FwB’ will only lead to further heartbreak. He or she became ‘the Ex’ for a reason – flimsy or otherwise, and may just want to enjoy your benefits until they move on to the next relationship (or until you decide to break it off). How do you recover when things turn sour?
Friendship Or Booty Call?
Some Exes can be great friends but others will only bring baggage into your life and mess with your heart all over again. Having the occasional conversation can be good especially if you’re truly over them; but never forget that they’re Exes for a reason!
How do you justify having a ‘FwB’ (sans emotional attachments) relationship with the Ex if the breakup was their fault? If the split was due to infidelity, commitment issues, cheating scandals etc. why would you want to complicate things further by having an intimate relationship with them – thereby reverting from being the ‘better half’ to just a ‘platonic friend?’
Friends-with-benefits is great conceptually; but once someone develops feelings, it all falls apart” – Evan Marc Katz
It’s becoming popular for people to engage in booty calls/beneficial relationships with their Ex for the purpose of keeping them in their lives albeit on a non-committal basis. This subject is constantly on the fore of relationship discussions as people view the pros and cons differently.
Some people never want to ‘clap eyes’ on their Exes, let alone foster a relationship with them based on just sex. They want no contact with the Ex, don’t want to see them, hear from them or even think of them for any reason. They’ve been erased, deleted and completely obliterated from their memories.
Others, on the other hand, don’t see the harm in carrying on a sexually beneficial relationship with the Ex so long as the terms of the engagement are clearly defined, and they have no expectations from the alliance.
The bottom line is that it is hard to carve out an empty alliance with an Ex only for the purpose of sex. Old feelings die hard and it is best to untangle yourself before your emotions get mixed up all over again.
You need to remember how long it took you to get over an Ex (if you ever really moved on), and no matter how simple and appealing it may seem, never get drawn into a ‘FwBs’ situation if you’re not truly over them. As this only evokes the feelings you once had for them, and makes you harbor the idea of getting back together – which may never happen.
Sex without commitment works for some, but you would be hard pressed to distance your feelings and memories in order to carry on in this way with your Ex – as intimacy has a funny way of bringing people closer.
‘FwBs’ simply means that you’ve been downgraded from a girlfriend/boyfriend to a no-strings-attached-booty-call. Be mature enough to see things as they truly are, and if you still feel convinced to continue with this alliance; bottle your feelings up and chuck them out the door. Be realistic to know that it wouldn’t last forever.
Sharing ‘benefits’ with the Ex, rarely ever ends well…. but hey! Whatever floats your boat!
“To save face, it’s better not to ask sex from the Ex, but to give everything the axe.” ― Anthony Liccione